Always Love

November 19th was Chris’ 26th Birthday in Heaven. It was also the 1 year anniversary of me getting two tattoos for him. This blog post might be slightly controversial as everyone has their own opinions on tattoos. But, I wanted to share my personal thoughts, photos and why I got these tattoos.

Growing up I never really thought I would ever get a tattoo, I just knew that if I did it would have to be extremely meaningful. It’s something that is going to be on my body forever after all!

When Chris passed away my entire world changed knowing that he wouldn’t be in it anymore. Having these tattoos is a reminder of his inspiring life and a way for me to still feel like he is with me always. I know that might sound odd to some and this might sound even more odd, but after losing Chris I actually found myself taking on quite a few of his characteristics. I became more fearless, more willing to make time for fun things, more athletic, more outdoorsy (in part thanks to Decoy) and more willing to put my phone away and just soak in the moment.

Anyway, after thinking about it a lot I decided on two tattoos that I would feel good about having on my body forever.

1: Chris’ Heart (my photography logo)

I wanted to be able to see this little heart every time I am photographing. The heart is taken from the last birthday card Chris wrote to me, he signed it with his name and this heart. Ironically the heart doesn’t connect fully, just like my photography logo (which I designed in photo school from my many heart doodles). So, it’s a nod to Chris’ heart and a little bit to my photography logo too.

Also, I see it whenever I read, journal and “cheers” as well, which I know Chris would appreciate.

2. Always Love

This tattoo is on my ribs, left side, close to my heart written in Chris and my wedding font. Before I go on, yes, this one was painful to get!

The words “always love” came to my mind as I was discussing tattoos with Nick (Chris’ brother) and praying for what I might get done.

One of my favourite songs, a song that Chris showed me before we were even officially dating (back in 2009) is titled “Always Love” by Nada Surf (it’s linked at the bottom of the post). It played on the TV show “One Tree Hill,” which Chris and I were both big fans of. The lyrics to the song are really beautiful and ended up being a real comfort for me through this grief. I will post the full lyrics below, but part of the lyrics are:

Always love, Hate will get you every time
Always love, Don’t wait til the finish line

Those lyrics in particular really resonated with me and the words “Always Love” serve as a reminder to me that I will always love Chris, always love God and always love in general. That I won’t close myself off to love, that my heart wouldn’t harden, but rather expand and love even greater than it did before.

Full Lyrics to “Always Love” by Nada Surf:

To make a mountain of your life
Is just a choice
But I never learned enough
To listen to the voice that told me
Always love, Hate will get you every time
Always love, Don’t wait til the finish line

Slow demands come ’round
Squeeze the air and keep the rest out
It helps to write it down
Even when you then cross it out

But Always Love, Hate will get you every time
Always Love, Even when you wanna fight

Self-directed lives
I want to know what it’d be like to
Aim so high above
Any card that you’ve been dealt, you…

Always Love, Hate will get you every time
Always Love, Hate will get you-

I’ve been held back by something
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs
I’ve been held back by something
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs
You said
Hey, you good ones
Hey, you good ones

To make a mountain of your life
Is just a choice
But I never learned enough
To listen to the voice that told me…
Always love, hate will get you every time
Always love, hate will get you-

I’ve been held back by something
Yeah, You said to me quietly on the stairs
I’ve been held back by something
Yeah, You said to me quietly on the stairs
You said..
Hey, you good ones
Hey, you good ones
Hey, you good ones

Always Love my dear friends!

Love, Marie <3